


Never Knew What I Could Find

by TrufaxRex



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alpha Bucky Barnes, Alpha Steve Rogers, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Werewolf, Beta Sam Wilson, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, M/M, Multi, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Werewolves Turn Into Actual Wolves
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-15
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-10-19 00:57:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10628826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrufaxRex/pseuds/TrufaxRex
Summary: Bucky finds Sam in a tree and the rest is history.





	1. Never Knew What I Could Find

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a very low-key, freeform sort of experiment. The plot is very simply, and the stories won't always necessarily be in order. Each part will more so be a vignette of their lives, rather than a chapter by chapter linear story. 
> 
> I'll try and post specific warnings for content at the beginning of chapters as there may be some chapters that deal with tougher subjects. The fics tags will also be updated as well.

 

 

Steve jerked awake - the lack of warmth beside him feeling wrong and alien as he nearly threw himself up out of the nest of covers that served as a “bed”. The spot where Bucky should have been was long since cold, and looking across the room, he could just barely see tendrils of smoke coming from a dying fire. The alarm bells began ringing even more intently, and Steve could feel his heart start pounding faster.

Not only was Bucky awake, he was gone.

Expletives had never been his thing, but at the moment he was sorely tempted. Wasting no more time, he threw the covers off the bed, barely acknowledging the chill in the air as he headed for the door. Unpredictable, yes, but Bucky hadn’t tried to pull a disappearing act like this since he and Steve had moved onto their own little bit of Pack land. They had made a ridiculous amount of progress, and now this.

The change came immediately as Steve opened the door, his body changing into that of his comforting four-legged silver one. His fur was a welcome relief to the chill from a few seconds ago, and the snow was bearable like this. Casting his gaze around sharply, he spotted the tracks made by the other. Steve took off, little comforted by how far apart the prints in the snow where. Wherever Buck had been going after (or running away from) he was doing it in a hurry.

Coming to the riverbank where Pack land stopped, Steve could see that the pawprints now slowed down and continued on the otherside. But the pattern was that of someone less in a hurry. That at least gave Steve some hope he could catch up with his mate in a reasonable amount of time. Splashing through the river (and almost instantly regretting it), Steve followed after the footprints, keeping his eyes peeled for any signs of trouble. So far, there was nothing but the bareness of the winter landscape. Gray-brown, leafless trees and a the expanse of white snow, untouched except by the pawprints Steve was following. It was a stark, calming beauty - and it was almost the same feeling in the springtime. Its why they had moved out here, to get away from it all…

_And maybe Bucky is trying to get away from y–_

That train of thought was cut off as Steve nearly tripped own paws coming to a stop. There, up ahead, only a few feet away stood his mate. The distinctive black of his coat, and large frame was unmistakable. Breathing deeply, Steve could tell there was no blood, so Bucky wasn’t hurt. In fact, Steve couldn’t quite tell what Bucky was doing. He seemed to be looking up at something in the sky, or maybe the tree..? Steve spared a glance upwards, but he was more concerned about his mate more than anything.

“Hey, Buck…” He tried gently, not wanting to startle the black wolf. He took a step forward, readying himself incase the other ran.

As it were, Bucky just swiveled his head to look in Steve’s direction. He looked distinctly unimpressed, as though he wasn’t surprised in the slightest that Steve had found him. “Sssh.” Bucky growled quietly, one ear flicking back.

“Is there something out here?” Well Bucky seemed calm enough. Steve sniffed the air again, and blinked in surprise. There was another wolf here. A wolf whose scent he didn’t know. Steve looked at Bucky, wide-eyed, his stance tensing. Where?

But Bucky seemed unconcerned with the potential threat. Understanding Steve’s silent question, he tipped his head back and looked up once more. “Look up.”

Steve blinked, but did as he told, this time more carefully than the last. And there he was in all his glory, somehow having made himself comfortable on one of the higher thick branches. The strangest thing was just how natural and comfortable he looked, like it wasn’t some freak accident, he was up there on purpose.

“Theres a wolf in that tree.” Steve murmured almost too himself, awestruck. Then he looked at Bucky. “Did you chase him up that tree?”

“And then he fell asleep?” Bucky’s voice grumbled deep in his chest. But he was more annoyed than angry at the accusation, considering it wasn’t entirely unfounded. “He was by the river this morning. I could smell it. Then I tracked him to here. He’s been asleep all this time.”

“Wow.” Steve didn’t have much else to say. The wolf’s reddish-brown coat did look thick, but sleeping in the unprotected winter chill couldn’t be healthy. Especially since… “He’s a Beta, Buck.”

The black wolf just gave him another looked through narrow eyes, clearly thinking ‘I too have a sense of smell, Steve’.

“So, uh…” Steve said, eyes flicking between his mate and the tree-dwelling wolf.

“I’m waiting for him to wake up.” Bucky stated. “I want to know how he got up there.”

“Lots of practice, I’m guessing.” Steve had doubts about sitting around waiting for a strange wolf (very, very strange) to wake up. Not only was he pretty sure they would scare the poor guy half to death, but they had no business waiting around like creeps anyway. They weren’t even on their Pack land anymore. “C’mon, Bucky, we ought to leave him be.”

“No.” Bucky replied petulantly.

“Buck.”

“Staying.”

“Bucky, please.”

“Steve, no.”

“Okay, well there goes my nap.”

Both Steve and Bucky snapped to attention, as the unfamiliar voice came to them. Bucky was suddenly on his feet, ears perked in ill-contained interest. Steve couldn’t help but observe the way his mate was acting. Ever since they had found each other again, the other never shown interest in much other than Steve himself. He tended to react to everything with the same, unmitigated blankness and at best a bit of unease or annoyance. And at worst, well, it was bad…

The wolf in the tree sat up, sitting primly on the treebranch and looking for all intents and purposes like he belonged there. It was rather impressive actually, if the wind told any tales, he was holding his own from being knocked right out of the tree.

“Why are you in this tree?” Bucky barked up to him, sounding more aggressive than intended.

The strange wolf looked affronted at the sudden outburst, before ducking his head and looking annoyed. “Well I was trying to get some sleep. Then the two of you decided in all this open space, right there was the best place to have a conversation.” The brown wolf titled his head. “I was pretty sure this was unclaimed territory.”

“It is.” Steve was quick to assure him. “Our territory is just beyond the river. And we don’t get many visitors. Especially not the climbing type.”

Steve could have imagined it, considering how far above the wolf was, but he swear he saw a flicker of a smile.

“Hold on, this is kind of awkward. Coming to you.” Then the strange wolf was on his paws, and nimbly making his way from branch to branch, a quick push off the side of the trunk and he was in front of Steve and Bucky. It happened so fast, neither of them really comprehended what just happened. But there the other wolf was, standing in front of them, looking completely unfazed by what he had just done.

He was definitely smaller than both Bucky and Steve, though given that he was a Beta to their Alphas, it wasn’t that big of a shock. The mix of brown and reddish fur was much more evident up close. His face and ears were rounded, and beneath his thick winter coat, Steve could make out a lithe form, built for speed and agility. But he had no doubt there was muscle in those legs, of the prior demonstration was anything to go on.

“The name’s Sam.” The wolf said. “I’ll admit I did go by the river. I haven’t eaten for a while, trying to make some progress. I have been hoping I could get lucky and find some fish under the frozen ice, but..” Sam let out a sigh.

“Hasn’t been quite cold enough for that yet.” Steve sympathized.

Bucky had yet to say a word since Sam had gotten close. It put Steve on edge, considering Bucky had fairly predictable ways of responding to others. He either ignored them, attacked them or watched from a safe distance. It might have freaked him out a bit. Sam closing the distance before Bucky could make that choice himself. Steve was worried, but considering Bucky had yet to raise his hackles or back away, it was going pretty well.

“How far is the closest Pack to yours?” Sam said, looking off into the distant snow covered lands. “As they say, where there is Pack, theres food. Hopefully I can get lucky around someone else’s borders.”

“Unfortunately it will be a bit of a hike.” Steve frowned, thinking of how big a buffer their actual Pack land got. As it turned out, no one wanted to get to close too a Pack of stronger than average, avenging wolves even for the extra hunting territory. He would have loved to invite Sam to have some of their kill from a few days prior, but…

“Come to our cabin.” Bucky stated, he wasn’t looking at Sam or Steve. His eyes were focused on the tree the brown wolf had previously been in. “We have food. Too much of it.” He looked at Sam sharply. “If you’re out here when a storm hits, you’ll die.”

“Hm. Didn’t seem like there would be a storm for a few days.” Sam looked at Bucky now. “I’m pretty resilient, if I do say so myself.”

Steve wasn’t about to argue that with a wolf who climbed and slept in trees, and it looked like Bucky wasn’t going to either.

“We have food and a fire.” Bucky stressed. “Its not for free. You have to show me how you climb trees. Like an exchange.”

Steve couldn’t believe his ears at this point.

“You want to exchange food for tree climbing tips?” Sam asked incredulously.

Bucky nodded solemnly, looking to Steve as if to say ‘Agree with me. This makes perfect sense.’ Which it didn’t at all. Anytime Tony so much as made noises about coming to visit them, Bucky would storm off in the most childish fashion possible. He tolerated Clint and Natasha, only because they usually brought gifts and never overstayed their welcome. Now here he was, inviting a stranger into their Pack land, basically into their den.

“I’m okay with it.” Steve could hardly believe the words he was saying. “And I’d rather have you eat a meal, then know you’re out there starving and hiking across the snow.”

“Aren’t you a charmer.” Sam laughed. His tail wagged a little bit as he spoke. “Lead the way.”

And with his compliance, Bucky turned and started off towards their cabin, keeping a slower pace than Steve had ever witnessed as though he were trying to be courteous to their guest. Sam followed after Bucky, and it took Steve a moment before he loped after them, still trying to wrap his head around what had just happened.

He supposed they would come to subject of what one lonely Beta was doing on some sort of crosscountry marathon later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from "Houdini" by Foster the People


	2. Telling Me To Give You Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This entire experience has Steve off-kilter, it could be a good thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm glad so many of you are showing interest in this story! I'm partial to ABO dynamics and this polyship doesn't usually have these dynamics, so its cool to see other people interested.
> 
> I mentioned before that these won't always be in order, but this chapter does follow from the previous one.
> 
> Updates may be a little slow. This story was originally something I started a while back, but then I lost most of the files except the first chapter. Since it was very free-form, I'm just rebuilding from memory. Eventually I'll get into the swing of things. 
> 
> A quick reminder, this is very free-form on my part, so things are not beta'd. 
> 
> Enjoy!

 

Steve felt like he was in limbo as he stood over the small electric stove and boiled water for tea. If it weren't for a thoughtful gift from Pepper and Rhodey they would have had nothing to offer the traveling tree-climber except coffee or water. Both options seemed rather inappropriate on such a cold night. But just as Steve making tea was unusual, so was everything that had happened in the last few hours.

He glanced over his shoulder towards the other side of the long cabin. A modest fire burnt in the small fireplace, lighting the end of the cabin with a warm glow. The newcomer, Sam, as he had introduced himself, had since changed into his human form. A handsome male with brown skin and pretty brown eyes. He was shorter than both he and Bucky, though not by much. There was strength to him not usually associated with Betas, which probably explained why he was so easy-going with both he and Bucky.

_And now considering Bucky._

He was still reacting so oddly to Sam that Steve still couldn't help but be on edge, waiting for the worst. So far, Bucky had been outstandingly polite. Showing Sam to the fireplace, and dropping a thick blanket on him to wrap around himself. He wasn't exactly gentle about it, but it was more welcoming than Steve had seen him since they were pups.

Currently, Bucky sat was sitting a few feet away from Sam. He kept out of the fireglow reach, seemingly shy in front of the pretty Beta. He had since slipped into sweatpants and a long shirt, a strange holdover from his years in captivity. Most wolves felt restricted by clothes, but they made Bucky feel safe. Out of respect, Steve usually found himself wearing either pants or boxers when they were together.

Steve took a deep breath as he poured the hot water into a ceramic mug, hoping belatedly that it was one of the few without stubborn coffee stains. He padded over to the fireplace, bending down to offer the mug to Sam, with a small smile.

"I just poured it, so you'll have to let it sit." Steve said, before furrowing his brow. "At least I think. We don't t drink much tea here to be honest."

"You only save the good stuff for guests, huh?" Sam took the mug. "A fire, blanket and tea. I don't think I've been this spoiled in years."

Bucky immediately sat up straight, spine stiffening. If he had been in wolf form his ears would have been standing straight up. "Are you in trouble?"

Steve looked quickly between Bucky and Sam, wondering where he had gotten that impression. But Sam took it all in stride.

"No, not currently." Sam shook his head. "But Service Aides don't usually find themselves in comfortable places."

Steve's eyebrows shot up and Bucky let out a low hum of interest.

"You were a Service Aide?" Steve said, unable to keep his interest in check. He settled down next to the other man, careful to keep an appropriate amount of space between them.

"Still am a Service Aide." Sam said smoothly before taking a sip of his tea. He grimaced a little, and Steve could only guess that he had fucked up somehow. "Just on break to visit my Mother's Pack. Been on assignment for nearly two years."

"Thats a long time without a permanent Pack." Steve said quietly, voice sympathetic. "As a Beta, I mean, its impressive."

Sam looked at him sideways, and it was the first time Steve saw something close to unpleasantness in the Beta's eyes and he immediately regretted it. Sometimes he could stick his foot in his mouth when it came to Alpha-Beta relations. He had gotten much better since meeting his current extended Pack mates, but certain things still tripped him up.

"Not that I meant to imply that Beta's couldn't, its just not normal- not common! Its uncommon, but its very noble and, uh.." Steve's body felt like it was burning up and was sure his face was turning red. "...Sorry."

Sam looked at him hard for a few minutes, before he finally chuckled a little, unable to hold himself back. "I can tell you're not trying to be an ass about it."

"I wouldn't dream of it." Steve said seriously, breathing a sigh of relief but still burning with embarrassment.

"S'why you climb trees." Bucky said quietly, almost to himself as though he weren't trying to join the conversation. "Good vantage point."

"The best." Sam agreed easily, shifting his focus over to Bucky. "It was a good scouting and guarding location. Helped me escape a few jams too, of course. When I first joined the Service, I didn't have the muscle I have now. I had to find another advantage, so I taught myself to climb." He laughed softly. "You should have seen the look my Partner gave me when we first met and I told him what I could do."

'It's impressive." Bucky sounded affronted, as though personally offended by anyone who might think otherwise.

"Of course it is." Sam lifted his chin proudly, the sight of his neck causing a deep primalistic instinct in Steve to go a bit haywire.

"I imagine it gave you a good advantage." Steve said, swallowing thickly trying to push the feeling away. Of course he recognized Sam has a highly desirable mate, but his body really didn't need to respond to easily to the slightest provocation.

"It did." Sam sipped his tea again and then yawned, body slumping a bit. "Sorry, I've been traveling for a while. Its been a long trip."

"How much further do you have?" Steve reached over and gently took the mug out of the Beta's sleep slackened grip.

"Not much longer, maybe three days if I get an early start tomorrow."

"It's going to storm." Bucky grumbled before getting up and heading to the other side of the cabin, where he and Steve slept on a messy pile of blankets, comforters and pillows.

Steve supposed that must have been enough polite social company for the other Alpha. Still, tonight was rather impressive. It almost made him sad that Sam would be leaving so soon. There were days when Bucky refused to say two words to him, but here the Beta had almost gotten a conversation. Imagine if he stayed even longer.

_Or Bucky would get annoyed and snap at him..._

Steve sighed and shook his head, it was just all too unpredictable. No, it was better that Sam would be moving on in the morning. And if a storm was rolling it, it was better for him to get on his way early.

Steve watched Sam as the Beta looked after Bucky. He was facing away, so it was difficult to read his expression. Sam didn't seem put off by Bucky's quirks, but then again as a Service Aide he had probably been around all sorts of wolves. And he was sure there were some even less patient than Bucky, though it was hard to believe.

"We'll make sure to get you on your way early." Steve promised. "Can't keep your Mom waiting, right?"

Sam turned to look at him, and a smile graced his features. Steve took in a sharp breath, unprepared for the warmth radiating from the Beta, enhanced by the fire's glow. He found himself wanting to say more, but not having the words. For a moment, he wondered if Bucky had noticed, too.

_It would explain so much..._

Bucky had never reacted to anyone this way, because they had never met anyone like this. Even Steve felt out of his element and unsure in Sam's presence. He had been so caught up in Bucky's odd behavior that he hadn't even noticed his own unusual interest.

"Oof."

Steve blinked in alarm as Bucky squatted in front of Sam and pressed a pillow into the Beta's chest. He hadn't even noticed the other Alpha approaching.

"Buck, what --"

Bucky glared at him. "This rug isn't comfortable enough to sleep on."

He then proceeded to lay down a folded comforter and two more pillows, patting them with a frown. Steve watched in awe as Bucky then looked up at Sam shyly. It was hard to tell in such dim light, but Steve could swear that there was a nervous hesitance in Bucky's eyes. Almost as if he was fearful that Sam wouldn't approve.

Of course Sam wouldn't want to sleep on pillows with the scent of strange of Alpha's on them. But still for Bucky to be so thoughtful...

"Thanks." Sam's voice was sleep heavy, but happy. "I appreciate it. All of this, actually."

With that, the Beta crawled onto the pallet that Bucky had made him. Bucky looked at him for another moment, assessing before scooting over the Steve and nudging him. It was only then that Steve noticed his mouth had been hanging open with shock and he quickly closed it. He looked over at his Mate, a million questions in his mind and unable to process any of them.

"Go to bed." Bucky said gruffly. "I need to.." Bucky rolled his eyes and waved his hand in the air before getting up and stalking over to the door to begin his nightly security checks.

Steve sighed, casting one more glance at the Beta curled up in the small nest Bucky had made for him. The thought of it made his inner wolf howl with approval and he quickly moved away to their shared bedding. He really needed to stop considering the impact that Sam was already having, because when morning came the Beta would be moving on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Come What May" from Moulin Rouge 
> 
> (by the end of this I hope to have a cute little soundtrack playlist.}


	3. Something I Must Live With Every Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three years ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flashback chapter this time.
> 
> Building up the blocks of whats to come in later chapters and all that jazz. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

 

_Three years ago -_

“You know, I’m perfectly capable of pulling for a little while, Sam.”

The brown wolf glared over at his companion, lips curling back in a half snarl. He was currently harnessed and hitched up to a supply sled, laden with food, medicine, warm blankets and a multitude of other survival equipment. They had known that this assignment was going to be a tough one, but until the sled had been brought out they hadn’t known just how tough.

To make matters worse, the pack they were assisting lived at the top of a dam mountain, and most were too weak or sick to come down to a reasonable altitude and fetch supplies. At least thats what they had been told, but the whole thing sounded sketchy.

And to make matters worse, Riley had slipped and hurt one of his back legs only four hours into the journey. Things were not going well, and Sam had a bad feeling about this one.

“You’re also perfectly capable of staying quiet, but you seem to be having a hard time with that one.” Sam shot back.

“Oh, touchy.”

Riley sounded half amused, but the gray wolf kindly obliged with keeping his maw shut. They continued up the path in silence, and as the path grew thinner and rockier, it only made Sam more hesitant. It was odd, because no matter the situation he and Riley had found himself in he had never been so worried. They were Service Aides, their whole job was to voluntarily go into shity situations and help sort them out. He had seen the worst of the worst, fires, disease, war-torn packs - and he had faced it head-on with Riley at his side.

But there was something about this damn mountain.

The sky was getting too damn dark.

He shivered, ears laying back against his skull, but he continued pulling their cargo. No matter his personal hang-ups, there was pack in need and it was his duty to help them.

“Somethin’s got you worked up about this.” Riley finally spoke quietly. He was walking close to Sam now, their shoulders almost touching.

He was on the smaller side for an Alpha, only a little bit larger than Sam in wolf form. He was thicker though, the braun to Sam’s brain - or so their dispatcher would repeatedly joke. It wasn’t nearly as simple as that. They had clicked almost immediately after meeting in training. Riley was a laid back wolf, from a southern pack that didn’t traditionally have a lot of contact with humans. He hadn’t been uncomfortable with Sam being a Beta, and any good-natured teasing never went very far. In fact they had a heart to heart about it about two weeks into the program, and Riley had straight up said he would stop if it made Sam uncomfortable. Because he already planned on being Sam’s partner during the duration of his tenure as a Service Aide.

_“You and me are probably the only idiots at this place who actually know what their getting into.” He had said. “We’re gonna do great things together.”_

And that was pretty much true. Riley and Sam had proven to be more capable than any other team on the roster. Situations that would have gotten anyone else killed or hurt, they had gotten out of - sometime’s by the skin of their teeth.

But they had gotten out.

Together.

“I don’t like the look of the weather.” Sam finally muttered, and at that moment a strong wind started up, sweeping over them and causing them both to duck their heads. Sam stopped as he saw Riley slip a little, his hurt leg trying valiantly to keep its share of weight. The Alpha had insisted on going on instead of turning back to get medical help, they had assumed it was just a minor sprain. But the more they walked, the more obvious it was that it was worse.

“We should take out some supplies to splint it.” Sam finally said. “Or maybe you should ride with the supplies, I could pull --“

“No way.” Riley said sharply. But then he said, shaking his head bitterly. “We disassemble this kit and we’ll lose too much time. And if you pull me with these supplies, you’re more likely to hurt yourself as well. Then we’ll both be out of commission.”

The silver wolf sighed and started walking again, trying to keep his limp to a minimum in the face of Sam’s worry.

“Lets just get there as quick as we can.” He said, more gently, trying to reassure the Beta. Sam’s heightened empathy could be both a strength and a weakness. And right now, they had no idea what they could be facing. Sam needed to keep his mind on the mission or they could both be in very big trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The Reason" by Hoobastank


	4. Don't Let Yourself Fall Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Don't chase the beat of your heart  
> Don't let yourself fall apart."
> 
> Things come close to the surface.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continuing on from Chap 2.

“W-what. How did this happen?!”

Sam gaped as he stared out into the vast expanse of snow spread before him. He was too shocked to even react as the wind whipped more snow into the cabin. The blanket around his shoulders didn’t cover much, but he barely seemed to notice the intense chill. He must have slept extremely well because he hadn’t the slightest inkling that something like this was going to happen. It looked like a damn blizzard had swept through last night, and it was still going!

“I told you that yesterday.” A disgruntled voice came from behind him.

Sam stiffened and stumbled back as a hand reached past him to shut the door firmly. He found himself backing into a rather defined chest and quickly spun around. Bucky was looking down at him with a mix of pity and annoyance. A slight hint of ‘I told you so’ was evident in the tilt of his head.

“There is no way I can travel in this.” Sam said quietly, ducking until Bucky’s arm to the palette where he had slept last night. He frowned, looking down at the blankets and pillows, trying to figure out what he could do. He finally looked up. “How far away is the nearest pack from here?”

“I wouldn’t even think about it, Sam.” Steve spoke up now. He was attempting to fry eggs over their tiny heater, and they were smelling suspiciously burnt. “Its a hike, and some of its up hill.”

“The snow is nearly as tall as you are.” Bucky growled as he stalked past Sam to sit in front of the fire. Prodding at it before adding more wood. “You’d freeze to death before getting very far.”

“I’m sure I’ve traveled in worse conditions.” Sam raised his chin, wrapping the blanket around himself more securely.

“Sure.” Bucky obviously didn’t believe him.

“Buck, behave.” Steve carried a plate of eggs to Sam along with a cup of coffee. “Breakfast is ready when you are.”

“Thank you.” Sam took the food and settled down on the floor. He watched as Bucky got up and walked over to the counter and fixed his own food and drink. He seemed to hesitate uncertainly before joining Steve and Sam on the floor in front of the fire.

Sam tried nto stare, no matter how curious he was as Bucky seemed to hunch protectively over his food and eat it. Both he and Steve ate fast, but Bucky seemed more desperate while Steve just seemed to be mindlessly consuming.

Sam took his time, chewing thoughtfully on what were honostly some of the worst eggs he had ever eaten. He had a feeling that neither Steve nor Bucky were much of cooks. Probably used to hunting and eating their meals raw. He’d have to communicate somehow that he would much rather have that then mangled eggs off of a hot plate.

“You still owe me climbing lessons.” Bucky spoke up, wiping at his mouth. “Can’t climb in this storm.”

Sam sighed, putting his plate down. “A big wolf like you doesn’t even need to know how to climb.”

“You aren’t small.” Bucky shot back.

“No, but I used to be real scrawny.” Sam said. “I had to come up with some sort of advantage.”

“For when you were a Service Aide.” Steve interjected, curious. “How young were you?”

Sam was quiet for a moment, considering. Being a Service Aide wasn’t some big secret, and it wasn’t embarrassing. He had no problem talking about it with his family and friends back home. But still, with everything that had happened. He wasn’t sure if he could handle sharing everything.

Not that he had to share everything.

“I joined as soon as I was eligible. I left my grandmother’s pack at 18.” Sam said. “Ever since I first heard about the Service Aides I knew thats what I wanted to do. I didn’t even know if they allowed Betas to join. But I knew I was going to find a way to do it somehow.”

“The Service Aide program didn’t start that long ago. You had to have been one of the first...” Steve frowned.

“Second group to sign up.” Sam chuckled darkly. “I didn’t figure out how much they’d fucked up with the Pilot group till we got there. They had lost eight out of the twenty originally recruited. They made a lot of changes when I started my training.”

“That didn’t scare you off?” Bucky leaned forward. “Did they even give you a choice?”

“Bucky..” Steve started to admonish.

“You always have a choice.” Sam said. “At any part of the training or program you can leave. And trust me, a lot of ‘em did leave. But I knew what I was getting into, me ‘an Riley, we--.”

The words seemed to get caught in Sam’s throat and in his mind’s eye he can see the silver wolf, looking over at him with that smirk. Blue eyes, clear as crystal and then a friendly shoulder bump. ‘Its just you and me.’ He said it once, and all other times it was implied. They had gone through so much together...

“Sam?”

Sam blinked rapidly, startling at the touch of a hand on his shoulder. His eyes met bright blue and for a moment, Sam felt a sense of deja vu wash over him. But then he took in the other features, and his shoulders slumped under the weight of reality hitting him. He looked down, taking in a deep breath.

“Sorry, I just..” He smiled a little self-deprecatingly. “I must be more tired than I thought.”

“Well, the storms not stopping anytime soon.” Steve said gently, letting go of Sam’s shoulder. “Rest as much as you need.”

“Thanks.” Sam said quietly.

* * *

Later that night, Sam sat watching the fire as crackled and flickered in the darkness of the cabin. The snow had continued through the day, and into night. He spent most of the day trying to rest and conversing with Steve and Bucky. After his minor breakdown, he tried to avoid talking about the Service Aides, and luckily his hosts were kind enough to avoid the subject. Instead, he told them about his home pack and his family. It made him feel better, and reminded him of what he had to look forward to.

But he was avoiding lying down to sleep. Part of him feared the thoughts that would come to him unbidden about the topic he had avoided. Sam hadn’t quite gotten to point where he could control his dreams, and the last thing he wanted to do was disturb his hosts with nightmares.

He was so deep in thought, he barely noticed when a figure sat next to him, not close enough to touch - but close enough to feel their presence.

“Earlier today, you mentioned Riley.” He recognized Bucky’s rough voice.. “Your partner.”

“How’d you know.” Sam’s voice was low.

“You mentioned it before. That you had a partner.”

“Oh.” Sam let out a soft sigh. “He was, yeah.”

Bucky reached over, ever so gently and touched his finger tips to Sam’s knee. Low, and sincere he spoke. “I’m sorry.”

It took all of Sam’s willpower not to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from "Into the Night" by the Motorhomes


End file.
